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Latest #toxicrelationships Posts

  • Does this sound familiar?⁣
I would love to hear your stories! ⁣
⁣
My ex referred to all his exes as “crazy” because they were still trying to contact him or it seemed like they were out to get him, but every time I asked why, I did not get a proper response. ⁣
I would get hateful messages from his exes, some from fake accounts, and that’s why I believed him. I felt bad that he had to deal with exes who were so obsessively crazy about him and I shut them down and blocked them because I was loyal to him. ⁣
It wasn’t until after our breakup that I realized that they were acting this way because of how badly he treated / still treats and speaks about them. ⁣
I have nothing but compassion for these women now and wish them all healing.⁣
You’re not crazy, you’re just seeing through the bullshit 👏🏽🙌🏽
  • Does this sound familiar?⁣
    I would love to hear your stories! ⁣

    My ex referred to all his exes as “crazy” because they were still trying to contact him or it seemed like they were out to get him, but every time I asked why, I did not get a proper response. ⁣
    I would get hateful messages from his exes, some from fake accounts, and that’s why I believed him. I felt bad that he had to deal with exes who were so obsessively crazy about him and I shut them down and blocked them because I was loyal to him. ⁣
    It wasn’t until after our breakup that I realized that they were acting this way because of how badly he treated / still treats and speaks about them. ⁣
    I have nothing but compassion for these women now and wish them all healing.⁣
    You’re not crazy, you’re just seeing through the bullshit 👏🏽🙌🏽

  •  3  1  5 minutes ago
  • It took over a decade for me to break out of abusive relationships. During that time, I developed friendships with women also suffering in toxic relationships.

I formed what I thought were lifelong bonds with these women, as we had each other's backs over the years. When I broke out of the toxic relationship pattern, I hoped to inspire my friends. 
I fully expected that sisterhood to cheer for me, but they became oddly silent. They became guarded and cautious toward me, as though I had betrayed them in finding my self-respect.

In hindsight, those friendships offered comfort in situations I should've never gotten comfortable in. Those trauma bonds helped me rationalize abuse. If 85% of my tribe were experiencing some form of abuse, it must have been normal.

On the other side of abuse and trauma bonds is more fulfillment than we can  imagine when were still mentally stuck in that place. You will lose people when you take to self-healing. You need to shed these bonds as gracefully as the trees shed their leaves. Your growth depends on it.
  • It took over a decade for me to break out of abusive relationships. During that time, I developed friendships with women also suffering in toxic relationships.

    I formed what I thought were lifelong bonds with these women, as we had each other's backs over the years. When I broke out of the toxic relationship pattern, I hoped to inspire my friends.
    I fully expected that sisterhood to cheer for me, but they became oddly silent. They became guarded and cautious toward me, as though I had betrayed them in finding my self-respect.

    In hindsight, those friendships offered comfort in situations I should've never gotten comfortable in. Those trauma bonds helped me rationalize abuse. If 85% of my tribe were experiencing some form of abuse, it must have been normal.

    On the other side of abuse and trauma bonds is more fulfillment than we can imagine when were still mentally stuck in that place. You will lose people when you take to self-healing. You need to shed these bonds as gracefully as the trees shed their leaves. Your growth depends on it.

  •  4  1  42 minutes ago
  • On the enneagram, he’s a type 9 (the peacemaker) and I’m a type 2 (the helper). We’re both extremely anti-confrontational for slightly different reasons. In my traumatized brain’s memory, conflict in a relationship always equated to violence. And as my brain became incredibly good at keeping me alive, I found it much easier to ignore my needs and opinions than to speak up for myself.

Our relationship was a slow and gradual thing at the beginning. We had healthy boundaries and retained so much independence, our lives only overlapping a couple nights a week. It was easy to keep things light and avoid conflict. I didn’t want to burden him with my trauma, so I mostly kept it to myself.

But as time went on, I knew if we were going to get closer I had to be seen more fully. I had to find a way to let him in while maintaining the self respect I had been slowly cultivating. The unknown is scary, especially with CPTSD. Not knowing how he would react to disagreement made me fear the worst. But I knew if I didn’t face my fears and speak my truth, I would be caught in the cycle of codependency forever.

For us, this story is a happy one. While both of us are deeply uncomfortable with conflict, we’ve learned over time that there’s going to be things we don’t agree on. There’s going to be truths that are hard to face. We’re going to trigger each other. We can’t control how someone else’s truth is going to make us feel, but we can choose how we react.

So we choose to be present with each other. To have the hard conversations. To remember how much better it feels when we move through something challenging, rather than avoiding it out of fear. We give each other safety cues. We remind each other that we’re here now, and this story isn’t the same as the ones we’ve lived through before. Our love is safety, respect, and deep friendship. I am so incredibly grateful.
  • On the enneagram, he’s a type 9 (the peacemaker) and I’m a type 2 (the helper). We’re both extremely anti-confrontational for slightly different reasons. In my traumatized brain’s memory, conflict in a relationship always equated to violence. And as my brain became incredibly good at keeping me alive, I found it much easier to ignore my needs and opinions than to speak up for myself.

    Our relationship was a slow and gradual thing at the beginning. We had healthy boundaries and retained so much independence, our lives only overlapping a couple nights a week. It was easy to keep things light and avoid conflict. I didn’t want to burden him with my trauma, so I mostly kept it to myself.

    But as time went on, I knew if we were going to get closer I had to be seen more fully. I had to find a way to let him in while maintaining the self respect I had been slowly cultivating. The unknown is scary, especially with CPTSD. Not knowing how he would react to disagreement made me fear the worst. But I knew if I didn’t face my fears and speak my truth, I would be caught in the cycle of codependency forever.

    For us, this story is a happy one. While both of us are deeply uncomfortable with conflict, we’ve learned over time that there’s going to be things we don’t agree on. There’s going to be truths that are hard to face. We’re going to trigger each other. We can’t control how someone else’s truth is going to make us feel, but we can choose how we react.

    So we choose to be present with each other. To have the hard conversations. To remember how much better it feels when we move through something challenging, rather than avoiding it out of fear. We give each other safety cues. We remind each other that we’re here now, and this story isn’t the same as the ones we’ve lived through before. Our love is safety, respect, and deep friendship. I am so incredibly grateful.

  •  88  15  59 minutes ago
  • Now focused on making my own plants plump and juicy ✨🌿 and co-tending to the beautiful garden that I share with the amazingly supportive people in my life.
—
If you’re a high-functioning, highly sensitive or empathic person and think this may be a pattern for you (over-tending to the wrong relationships): Download my checklist to see the 10 signs you may be in a toxic relationship dynamic at the link in my bio @thezenfemme 🙏🏼
  • Now focused on making my own plants plump and juicy ✨🌿 and co-tending to the beautiful garden that I share with the amazingly supportive people in my life.

    If you’re a high-functioning, highly sensitive or empathic person and think this may be a pattern for you (over-tending to the wrong relationships): Download my checklist to see the 10 signs you may be in a toxic relationship dynamic at the link in my bio @thezenfemme 🙏🏼

  •  70  4  1 hour ago
  • It feels important after the new of Caroline Flacks suicide, to remind people that things can and will get better. Whatever you are struggling with - reach out for help, talk to someone and start the process of recovery •

When a prominent figure takes their own life, it’s easy for people to say “how did this happen?” or “why would they do that?” but anyone who’s dealt with suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide will know how scarily easy it is to slip into that mentality if you don’t have the right support system in place •

It’s also incredibly triggering for a lot of people to hear so much media coverage about these topics. So I encourage everyone to be extra kind and extra compassionate to people right now. You can’t ever truly know how much someone is suffering and how far a little bit of kindness will go to help •

When I was dealing with my bullying, I could not see the way out. Life lost a lot of meaning. I didn’t know how it could get better.... now I am living a completely different version of my life and pretty much loving it! •

That chapter was incredibly painful, I wish I could have skipped it - but I did get through it with some guidance, love and support and and so can you. I promise you. •

Keep going, keep fighting and please reach out for help if you need it ❤️
  • It feels important after the new of Caroline Flacks suicide, to remind people that things can and will get better. Whatever you are struggling with - reach out for help, talk to someone and start the process of recovery •

    When a prominent figure takes their own life, it’s easy for people to say “how did this happen?” or “why would they do that?” but anyone who’s dealt with suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide will know how scarily easy it is to slip into that mentality if you don’t have the right support system in place •

    It’s also incredibly triggering for a lot of people to hear so much media coverage about these topics. So I encourage everyone to be extra kind and extra compassionate to people right now. You can’t ever truly know how much someone is suffering and how far a little bit of kindness will go to help •

    When I was dealing with my bullying, I could not see the way out. Life lost a lot of meaning. I didn’t know how it could get better.... now I am living a completely different version of my life and pretty much loving it! •

    That chapter was incredibly painful, I wish I could have skipped it - but I did get through it with some guidance, love and support and and so can you. I promise you. •

    Keep going, keep fighting and please reach out for help if you need it ❤️

  •  24  3  1 hour ago

Top #toxicrelationships Posts

  • You’ve mastered survival mode. Now it’s time to live. 🌸 
Going into survival mode to deal with trauma including toxic relationships is normal. It’s a coping mechanism. But staying in survival mode forever isn’t really surviving it’s just treading water. 
It’s time to thrive, girlfriend, you deserve MORE than just surviving. 💪 💃 👑
  • You’ve mastered survival mode. Now it’s time to live. 🌸
    Going into survival mode to deal with trauma including toxic relationships is normal. It’s a coping mechanism. But staying in survival mode forever isn’t really surviving it’s just treading water.
    It’s time to thrive, girlfriend, you deserve MORE than just surviving. 💪 💃 👑

  •  4,700  48  9 February, 2020