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  • Anxiety is a product of living in the future, of being attached to a particular outcome. 
When we practice aparigraha, non grasping or non attachment, we free ourselves of the suffering caused by anxiety. 
Easier said than done. 
Start small. 
When you notice yourself becoming anxious, ask yourself if you are living too far in the future, or too attached to a particular outcome. You can then try a grounding exercise to bring you back to the present moment. 
Or take an Ativan. 
Kidding. Mindfulness > Ativan. 
Using mindfulness techniques is one way to free yourself from the anxieties of being too attached to an outcome. You have everything you need to do this inside you.
  • Anxiety is a product of living in the future, of being attached to a particular outcome.
    When we practice aparigraha, non grasping or non attachment, we free ourselves of the suffering caused by anxiety.
    Easier said than done.
    Start small.
    When you notice yourself becoming anxious, ask yourself if you are living too far in the future, or too attached to a particular outcome. You can then try a grounding exercise to bring you back to the present moment.
    Or take an Ativan.
    Kidding. Mindfulness > Ativan.
    Using mindfulness techniques is one way to free yourself from the anxieties of being too attached to an outcome. You have everything you need to do this inside you.

  •  45  3  19 August, 2019
  • I was on benzodiazepines for 5 years
⠀
In that time ⭐️my own GABA receptors down regulated as they were flooded with artificial GABA from a pill
⭐️I developed horrific digestive and stomach issues to the point where I would cry on the bathroom floor after meals and then throw up (not on purpose) because it felt like I was being stabbed with knives in my stomach.
⭐️I rarely left my house as I had become somewhat agoraphobic
⭐️I refused to fly on an airplane because I had somehow developed panic disorder while being in a Benzo and was told that my “underlying anxiety disorder must just be getting worse”,
⭐️I gained weight,
⭐️I slept terribly
⭐️got pancreatitis
⠀
In that time no medical professional ever even mentioned to me “maybe these issues are from the benzos you’ve been prescribed for years”
⠀
I had countless tests, missed so many days of school and was basically an emotionless zombie who couldn’t feel joy or anything. It was an existence I never thought I would escape, I didn’t know what was wrong with me and none of the doctors I saw did either.
⠀
Then I found Benzo Buddies and my eyes were opened, it all made sense.
⠀
I had reached tolerance withdrawal while on benzos and these pills were making me ill. I remember when my doctor prescribed them I said “are these safe and I can be on them and have kids safely”, she said “oh yes they aren’t any more addictive than aspirin”, I was 19 and stupidly trusted her.
⠀
Then when I did start to think more about having kids around 24 I asked her again and she said “well you’ll be a high risk pregnancy and there is a chance the baby could have some withdrawal symptoms” to which I was livid, I had to get off this poison and I did.
⠀
I am 31 months off of benzos and all of those issues I suffered from while on them went away. While I do still have a bit of ocd and anxiety (which I’ve had my entire life) I know I never needed a pill to “fix” what psych meds caused in the first place.
⠀
This process has taken so much from me, so many years, so much time, my body, my self esteem, but it’s made the compassionate person I am today who has a completely different outlook on life and for that I’m grateful. You will heal ✨
  • I was on benzodiazepines for 5 years

    In that time ⭐️my own GABA receptors down regulated as they were flooded with artificial GABA from a pill
    ⭐️I developed horrific digestive and stomach issues to the point where I would cry on the bathroom floor after meals and then throw up (not on purpose) because it felt like I was being stabbed with knives in my stomach.
    ⭐️I rarely left my house as I had become somewhat agoraphobic
    ⭐️I refused to fly on an airplane because I had somehow developed panic disorder while being in a Benzo and was told that my “underlying anxiety disorder must just be getting worse”,
    ⭐️I gained weight,
    ⭐️I slept terribly
    ⭐️got pancreatitis

    In that time no medical professional ever even mentioned to me “maybe these issues are from the benzos you’ve been prescribed for years”

    I had countless tests, missed so many days of school and was basically an emotionless zombie who couldn’t feel joy or anything. It was an existence I never thought I would escape, I didn’t know what was wrong with me and none of the doctors I saw did either.

    Then I found Benzo Buddies and my eyes were opened, it all made sense.

    I had reached tolerance withdrawal while on benzos and these pills were making me ill. I remember when my doctor prescribed them I said “are these safe and I can be on them and have kids safely”, she said “oh yes they aren’t any more addictive than aspirin”, I was 19 and stupidly trusted her.

    Then when I did start to think more about having kids around 24 I asked her again and she said “well you’ll be a high risk pregnancy and there is a chance the baby could have some withdrawal symptoms” to which I was livid, I had to get off this poison and I did.

    I am 31 months off of benzos and all of those issues I suffered from while on them went away. While I do still have a bit of ocd and anxiety (which I’ve had my entire life) I know I never needed a pill to “fix” what psych meds caused in the first place.

    This process has taken so much from me, so many years, so much time, my body, my self esteem, but it’s made the compassionate person I am today who has a completely different outlook on life and for that I’m grateful. You will heal ✨

  •  42  10  5 December, 2019
  • According to many researches, using social media obsessively can cause more than just anxiety. In fact, testing has found that using too much internet may lead to depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, impulsive disorder, problems with mental functioning, paranoia, and loneliness.

Lorazepam is part of a class of medications called #benzodiazapines. This class of medications can be helpful for much of this "social media anxiety". However, these medications are also known to be dangerously addicting and create unnecessary tolerance in patients.

So why not take a break instead, and avoid the need to medicate. Go to the gym, socialize with friends and family -face to face; and most importantly give yourself some "me time" without any disturbances from the outside world.

#pharmacy #medicine #health #happiness #socialmedia #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mefirst #minettrx
  • According to many researches, using social media obsessively can cause more than just anxiety. In fact, testing has found that using too much internet may lead to depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, impulsive disorder, problems with mental functioning, paranoia, and loneliness.

    Lorazepam is part of a class of medications called #benzodiazapines. This class of medications can be helpful for much of this "social media anxiety". However, these medications are also known to be dangerously addicting and create unnecessary tolerance in patients.

    So why not take a break instead, and avoid the need to medicate. Go to the gym, socialize with friends and family -face to face; and most importantly give yourself some "me time" without any disturbances from the outside world.

    #pharmacy #medicine #health #happiness #socialmedia #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mefirst #minettrx

  •  15  7  19 November, 2019
  • #AnxietyDisorder
😰
One of the most common conditions of modern-day society; and one of the most treatable!
😰
#Anxiety is likely the most over-diagnosed of all medical/mental health conditions; as well as the most over-medicated.
💊
As with many emotional, behavioral, and #mentalhealth struggles; medication should not be the first line of defense (in most cases).
💊
Therapy, exercise, sleep,  lifestyle modifications, breathing activities, meditation, neurofeedback, nutritional shifts, and more can and will work for the majority of people impacted by anxiety.
🧠
The problem is, most are immediately given prescriptions for potentially dangerous medications with high misuse rates like #benzodiazapines.
💊
Designed to be short-term fixes; they most often turn into long-term relationships that are very difficult to break; and sometimes deadly.
💊
Call us to learn more about #brain-based options for your health and well-being. And, consult with your doctor if you are struggling with anxiety or similar symptoms.
  • #AnxietyDisorder
    😰
    One of the most common conditions of modern-day society; and one of the most treatable!
    😰
    #Anxiety is likely the most over-diagnosed of all medical/mental health conditions; as well as the most over-medicated.
    💊
    As with many emotional, behavioral, and #mentalhealth struggles; medication should not be the first line of defense (in most cases).
    💊
    Therapy, exercise, sleep, lifestyle modifications, breathing activities, meditation, neurofeedback, nutritional shifts, and more can and will work for the majority of people impacted by anxiety.
    🧠
    The problem is, most are immediately given prescriptions for potentially dangerous medications with high misuse rates like #benzodiazapines.
    💊
    Designed to be short-term fixes; they most often turn into long-term relationships that are very difficult to break; and sometimes deadly.
    💊
    Call us to learn more about #brain-based options for your health and well-being. And, consult with your doctor if you are struggling with anxiety or similar symptoms.

  •  50  2  17 February, 2020
  • When someone tells you to take a chill pill and you actually can. #benzodiazapines
  • When someone tells you to take a chill pill and you actually can. #benzodiazapines

  •  8  0  28 October, 2019
  • What you feed grows
⠀
Have you heard that expression before? It’s something that rang even more true during the worst of my Benzo withdrawal and at 28 months out is still something I need to be frequently reminded of, most often by my deeply insightful husband.
⠀
When I am having a bad day mentally with healing symptoms from withdrawal, and my mind and emotions take a dark negative turn, it’s so important to surround yourself with positivity.
⠀
Positive people, positive tv shows, music, news, books and everything in between. What you are actively consuming seeps into your subconscious mind whether you like it or not, so if the tv you’re consuming is depressing negative shit like “my 600 pound life” or “toddlers and tiaras” you’re going to find that stuff bleeding out into other areas of your life and your outlook on life.
⠀
As much as I love a good episode of real housewives, catty middle aged women screaming at each other isn’t really the tone I want to set for my state of mind so I turn it off and put on an informative and upbeat podcast, or better yet I throw on one of my pump up playlists that make me happy. Music has been a saving grace to me during withdrawal and I’ll add a link to my Spotify if anybody is interested in the playlists and podcasts that have gotten me through withdrawal.
⠀
So just remember to surround yourself with things that add value and positivity to your life and not things that can bring you down emotionally, spiritually or otherwise. What you feed your brain and life grows, so choose wisely.
  • What you feed grows

    Have you heard that expression before? It’s something that rang even more true during the worst of my Benzo withdrawal and at 28 months out is still something I need to be frequently reminded of, most often by my deeply insightful husband.

    When I am having a bad day mentally with healing symptoms from withdrawal, and my mind and emotions take a dark negative turn, it’s so important to surround yourself with positivity.

    Positive people, positive tv shows, music, news, books and everything in between. What you are actively consuming seeps into your subconscious mind whether you like it or not, so if the tv you’re consuming is depressing negative shit like “my 600 pound life” or “toddlers and tiaras” you’re going to find that stuff bleeding out into other areas of your life and your outlook on life.

    As much as I love a good episode of real housewives, catty middle aged women screaming at each other isn’t really the tone I want to set for my state of mind so I turn it off and put on an informative and upbeat podcast, or better yet I throw on one of my pump up playlists that make me happy. Music has been a saving grace to me during withdrawal and I’ll add a link to my Spotify if anybody is interested in the playlists and podcasts that have gotten me through withdrawal.

    So just remember to surround yourself with things that add value and positivity to your life and not things that can bring you down emotionally, spiritually or otherwise. What you feed your brain and life grows, so choose wisely.

  •  13  3  12 September, 2019
  • 🚫💊BENZOS💊🚫 Part 1 of 2

Before I discovered the root causes of my chronic illnesses, I was prescribed many meds to mask my symptoms. One of those was a Benzodiazepine called Klonopin... for anxiety & insomnia. I didn't know that Benzos are not supposed to be taken for more than 2 weeks. Without question or concern, my doctor renewed my Rx for 10 years!

As I began to wake up, I knew I had to get off the Klonopin. I told my psychiatrist that I'd like to do a slow taper. He assured me that I wouldn't experience any withdrawal symptoms because I was on such a low dose....and that I'd be fine if I went off cold turkey. He did mention to me that all the symptoms that the drug was "helping" would likely come back. I followed my gut and began a slow taper. As the months passed, my chronic body pain intensified to the point where my face actually hurt and my clothes rubbing against my skin felt like torture.

I knew it was time to take my last pill. I called my sister, Liz (@healingsimply) and she told me to come stay at her apartment and that she'd support me through my withdrawal experience.

I'm not sure how, but I made it to her apartment and threw my bottle of pills away. About 8 hours later, the withdrawal symptoms hit. Hallucinations; vomiting; shaking; paranoia; panic attacks; nausea; hot & cold sweats; de-personalization; no sleep for 4 days & suicidal thoughts. I was convinced that everyone I loved was going to die. Liz drew baths for me, fed me in the moments the nausea subsided & calmly spoke to me & held my hand when I was freaking out. If I was alone during this time, I probably would have killed myself. Every moment felt like the deepest part of hell. This lasted for about 9 days.

Years later, my liver and brain are still healing from the depletion this drug and the others have caused.

Today, I am getting ready to support a loved one as they get ready to taper off of 2 Benzos after the 20 years of destruction they have caused.

The GOOD NEWS: I have new tools and so many more supports  than I did during my withdrawal. Stay tuned for part 2...
  • 🚫💊BENZOS💊🚫 Part 1 of 2

    Before I discovered the root causes of my chronic illnesses, I was prescribed many meds to mask my symptoms. One of those was a Benzodiazepine called Klonopin... for anxiety & insomnia. I didn't know that Benzos are not supposed to be taken for more than 2 weeks. Without question or concern, my doctor renewed my Rx for 10 years!

    As I began to wake up, I knew I had to get off the Klonopin. I told my psychiatrist that I'd like to do a slow taper. He assured me that I wouldn't experience any withdrawal symptoms because I was on such a low dose....and that I'd be fine if I went off cold turkey. He did mention to me that all the symptoms that the drug was "helping" would likely come back. I followed my gut and began a slow taper. As the months passed, my chronic body pain intensified to the point where my face actually hurt and my clothes rubbing against my skin felt like torture.

    I knew it was time to take my last pill. I called my sister, Liz (@healingsimply) and she told me to come stay at her apartment and that she'd support me through my withdrawal experience.

    I'm not sure how, but I made it to her apartment and threw my bottle of pills away. About 8 hours later, the withdrawal symptoms hit. Hallucinations; vomiting; shaking; paranoia; panic attacks; nausea; hot & cold sweats; de-personalization; no sleep for 4 days & suicidal thoughts. I was convinced that everyone I loved was going to die. Liz drew baths for me, fed me in the moments the nausea subsided & calmly spoke to me & held my hand when I was freaking out. If I was alone during this time, I probably would have killed myself. Every moment felt like the deepest part of hell. This lasted for about 9 days.

    Years later, my liver and brain are still healing from the depletion this drug and the others have caused.

    Today, I am getting ready to support a loved one as they get ready to taper off of 2 Benzos after the 20 years of destruction they have caused.

    The GOOD NEWS: I have new tools and so many more supports than I did during my withdrawal. Stay tuned for part 2...

  •  41  25  8 October, 2019
  • You speaking out about your psychiatric medication harm isn’t pill shaming.
⠀
While pill shaming is definitely a thing and people who take psychiatric medication do deal with stigma for taking medication, this “Pill Shaming” label and hashtag can be used to bully or silence those who have been injured by psychiatric medication. That is something I will not tolerate and not be silent about. ⠀
It can be used to shut down those people who go into their doctors or psychiatrists who prescribed these meds in the first place saying “oh this is just a sign of your underlying condition for which you were prescribed these meds getting worse so you actually need more medication” It’s shutting down people who know their own bodies and mental health better than a doctor ever could they know these meds are making them sick yet they get shut down.
⠀
Pill shaming can be an entire industry that is all about making money by getting people onto these drugs and then when people seek to get off of them there is not guide or help for these patients in place and they have to turn to Internet forums to help them get off these meds. Doctors of vastly uneducated in the withdrawal process because there is no research into this problem, my entire problem started when my psychiatrist told me that there is no SSRI withdrawal and I could stop prozac cold turkey without tapering.
⠀
Pill shaming can be a doctor that sees you while you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms telling you that it doesn’t exist and that you are an addict and must have been abusing these medications when in reality you never took these meds other than as prescribed. I remember a doctor telling me I should check into rehab to go over my klonopin “addiction” when in reality I had never taken these meds in any other way than as prescribed by my doctor.
⠀
These meds have rendered me at times disabled, unable to leave the house and drive on my own, in debt, and 30 lbs overweight. That’s my truth and I just recently have started having better days in which I can feel joy and love and happiness again and feel motivation. I will never stop speaking out against the danger of these meds.
  • You speaking out about your psychiatric medication harm isn’t pill shaming.

    While pill shaming is definitely a thing and people who take psychiatric medication do deal with stigma for taking medication, this “Pill Shaming” label and hashtag can be used to bully or silence those who have been injured by psychiatric medication. That is something I will not tolerate and not be silent about. ⠀
    It can be used to shut down those people who go into their doctors or psychiatrists who prescribed these meds in the first place saying “oh this is just a sign of your underlying condition for which you were prescribed these meds getting worse so you actually need more medication” It’s shutting down people who know their own bodies and mental health better than a doctor ever could they know these meds are making them sick yet they get shut down.

    Pill shaming can be an entire industry that is all about making money by getting people onto these drugs and then when people seek to get off of them there is not guide or help for these patients in place and they have to turn to Internet forums to help them get off these meds. Doctors of vastly uneducated in the withdrawal process because there is no research into this problem, my entire problem started when my psychiatrist told me that there is no SSRI withdrawal and I could stop prozac cold turkey without tapering.

    Pill shaming can be a doctor that sees you while you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms telling you that it doesn’t exist and that you are an addict and must have been abusing these medications when in reality you never took these meds other than as prescribed. I remember a doctor telling me I should check into rehab to go over my klonopin “addiction” when in reality I had never taken these meds in any other way than as prescribed by my doctor.

    These meds have rendered me at times disabled, unable to leave the house and drive on my own, in debt, and 30 lbs overweight. That’s my truth and I just recently have started having better days in which I can feel joy and love and happiness again and feel motivation. I will never stop speaking out against the danger of these meds.

  •  32  13  8 hours ago
  • When life is a bit too full on it’s tempting to reach for something to ‘help you through’. If this has been your strategy for a long while it can be hard to change. Your brain is wired to encourage you to continue to use the same coping mechanism that you have always used.  Change is difficult at first but if we can continue to choose a better coping method then eventually our brain will accept it and wire it in... .
.
#better #coping #attitude #life #coffee #benzodiazapines #vodka #love #launcestontasmania #tassie #attitudecounselling #tasmania
  • When life is a bit too full on it’s tempting to reach for something to ‘help you through’. If this has been your strategy for a long while it can be hard to change. Your brain is wired to encourage you to continue to use the same coping mechanism that you have always used. Change is difficult at first but if we can continue to choose a better coping method then eventually our brain will accept it and wire it in... .
    .
    #better #coping #attitude #life #coffee #benzodiazapines #vodka #love #launcestontasmania #tassie #attitudecounselling #tasmania

  •  40  7  2 October, 2019
  • •Lado B•PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
sonría,sonría,sonría,sonría,te están filmando
Smile,shiiiiit
.
.
#sad #sadgirl #sadboy #fake #2020 #happiness #fuckhappyshit #shitpost #shit #cry #woman #no #fuckthatshit #tattooed #tattoo #tattoogirl #girltattoo #girl #fuckxanax #benzodiazapines #byhappy #sadness #bg #alternativegirl #alone #sg #joker #putavida #happypill #sadporn
  • •Lado B•PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
    sonría,sonría,sonría,sonría,te están filmando
    Smile,shiiiiit
    .
    .
    #sad #sadgirl #sadboy #fake #2020 #happiness #fuckhappyshit #shitpost #shit #cry #woman #no #fuckthatshit #tattooed #tattoo #tattoogirl #girltattoo #girl #fuckxanax #benzodiazapines #byhappy #sadness #bg #alternativegirl #alone #sg #joker #putavida #happypill #sadporn

  •  235  18  2 January, 2020
  • Benzodiazepines can cause great harm, even when taken as prescribed.

Link is in bio
  • Benzodiazepines can cause great harm, even when taken as prescribed.

    Link is in bio

  •  28  16  20 October, 2018
  • I want to talk about CBD!!..I also want to say that a group of legal prescribed medication called Benzodiazepines, I always took “ as prescribed” “ never misused or abused” turned my entire life upside down.. Causing movement disorders and seizures as I try to slowly taper off... even holding for months at a time.. So if I first rewind a bit.. Growing up I was a Big pot head.. I started smoking pot at a very young age and knew very little about it’s components.. I never knew there where therapeutic parts of the MJ plant and at age 11 didn’t know anything about CBD or the endocannabioniod system in the human body.. Fast forward ..It had been almost 2 decades since  I touched anything related to marijuana or other street drugs.. But had been on and off Benzodiazepines since I was 17, given to me for my Eating disorder related anxiety😳🤦🏼‍♀️.. Cold turkeying 3 times and becoming very sick and paradoxical in 2008 when I was hospitalized and switched from Klonopin to Ativan.... My story is complicated and very long.. so I will not go into it...But as I sat across from my neurologist last year for the 3rd time , I was in complete desperation for relief from myocolnic and focal seizures that were slamming my body almost daily and Tourette’s that had become so severe, I was injuring my ribs and hip bones from my elbow repeatedly slamming into my side and screaming into my pillow from vocal tics.. I was at the end of my rope..Suicidal and scared to death of anymore Big pharma meds.. He suggested I get my medical card and start CBD.. Learning how much I needed and trying different strains Like ACDC 1:1 ratios was a game changer for me... I enjoy trying straight/pure CBD in many forms.. today I am giving @vesloils  a try.. I liked it right away and I am excited to see how it works for me compared to other brands I use daily...I am inspired daily by people I fallow on here, who are embracing natural means to thrive and live their best life in the face of battles.. Thanks @rainavsfood for being a inspiration and using your platform to help myself and so many others💜!! #cbd #cbdheals #bigpharmakills #tourettesyndrome #td #benzodiazapines #withdrawals #seizures #plantsthatheal
  • I want to talk about CBD!!..I also want to say that a group of legal prescribed medication called Benzodiazepines, I always took “ as prescribed” “ never misused or abused” turned my entire life upside down.. Causing movement disorders and seizures as I try to slowly taper off... even holding for months at a time.. So if I first rewind a bit.. Growing up I was a Big pot head.. I started smoking pot at a very young age and knew very little about it’s components.. I never knew there where therapeutic parts of the MJ plant and at age 11 didn’t know anything about CBD or the endocannabioniod system in the human body.. Fast forward ..It had been almost 2 decades since I touched anything related to marijuana or other street drugs.. But had been on and off Benzodiazepines since I was 17, given to me for my Eating disorder related anxiety😳🤦🏼‍♀️.. Cold turkeying 3 times and becoming very sick and paradoxical in 2008 when I was hospitalized and switched from Klonopin to Ativan.... My story is complicated and very long.. so I will not go into it...But as I sat across from my neurologist last year for the 3rd time , I was in complete desperation for relief from myocolnic and focal seizures that were slamming my body almost daily and Tourette’s that had become so severe, I was injuring my ribs and hip bones from my elbow repeatedly slamming into my side and screaming into my pillow from vocal tics.. I was at the end of my rope..Suicidal and scared to death of anymore Big pharma meds.. He suggested I get my medical card and start CBD.. Learning how much I needed and trying different strains Like ACDC 1:1 ratios was a game changer for me... I enjoy trying straight/pure CBD in many forms.. today I am giving @vesloils a try.. I liked it right away and I am excited to see how it works for me compared to other brands I use daily...I am inspired daily by people I fallow on here, who are embracing natural means to thrive and live their best life in the face of battles.. Thanks @rainavsfood for being a inspiration and using your platform to help myself and so many others💜!! #cbd #cbdheals #bigpharmakills #tourettesyndrome #td #benzodiazapines #withdrawals #seizures #plantsthatheal

  •  122  36  12 February, 2019
  • Was this post made about me because I’m pretty sure it was made about me haha.
My poor care workers. Plus it doesn’t help when my psychiatrist is off for 5 weeks 😬😅 -
*mental health update*

I’m worried about my prolactin levels (it’s meant to be around 400. Mine is 4000) because of the risperidone and what that could be doing to my body. We talked about trying a first generation antipsychotic like haloperidol but that interferes even more with my ritalin than risperidone. U see my problem. -
I’m up to 200mg lamotrigine and I feel it’s helping me be less depressed but I still have suicidal thoughts and aggression and irritability, which my clonazepam is good for but it doesn’t help with panic or panic attacks. -
I’m still having periodic hallucinations despite my meds and I’d just like to know just what in the purple fuck is going on here.
  • Was this post made about me because I’m pretty sure it was made about me haha.
    My poor care workers. Plus it doesn’t help when my psychiatrist is off for 5 weeks 😬😅 -
    *mental health update*

    I’m worried about my prolactin levels (it’s meant to be around 400. Mine is 4000) because of the risperidone and what that could be doing to my body. We talked about trying a first generation antipsychotic like haloperidol but that interferes even more with my ritalin than risperidone. U see my problem. -
    I’m up to 200mg lamotrigine and I feel it’s helping me be less depressed but I still have suicidal thoughts and aggression and irritability, which my clonazepam is good for but it doesn’t help with panic or panic attacks. -
    I’m still having periodic hallucinations despite my meds and I’d just like to know just what in the purple fuck is going on here.

  •  82  4  10 June, 2019
  • Misophonia, what is it? It is an extreme hatred and sensitivity to noise. Unfortunately not a lot is known about what causes it, but thus far it is categorized as a neurological and/or psychological disorder. There are some treatment methods, however there is no cure. 
Because this disorder is so, so difficult to explain to someone who doesn’t experience it, it is often all too easy dismissed. 
No, I’m not just being a bitch. No, I can’t just not focus on it or tune it out. No, it’s not that everyone finds certain sounds annoying. This disorder can make certain sounds absolutely UN-BEARABLE. Seriously. I can’t focus on anything else but these sounds, even if they’re quiet, they’re still amplified. Imagine whispers sound like they’re going through a megaphone. Some days it takes all of my might not to scream at someone, or take away their item that’s aggravating me so. It feels irrational yes, I’m well aware. 
For coping, I try to get into a meditative state and do some deep belly breathing. I’m also expecting some ear plugs in the mail, so hopefully those help. This truly is debilitating. It makes socializing difficult, makes me feel c*azy. When I try to explain this to my psychiatrist or a therapist, it’s dismissed to be low priority. But for me, this ruins the enjoyment of everyday life. 
_
Photos circa Pinterest and @manjitthapp for the illustration 💕
#misophonia #ocd #sensoryoverload #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #panic #mentaldisorder #mentalillness #tired #benzodiazapines #stigma #support #mentalillnessrecovery #help #misophoniaawareness #overloaded
  • Misophonia, what is it? It is an extreme hatred and sensitivity to noise. Unfortunately not a lot is known about what causes it, but thus far it is categorized as a neurological and/or psychological disorder. There are some treatment methods, however there is no cure.
    Because this disorder is so, so difficult to explain to someone who doesn’t experience it, it is often all too easy dismissed.
    No, I’m not just being a bitch. No, I can’t just not focus on it or tune it out. No, it’s not that everyone finds certain sounds annoying. This disorder can make certain sounds absolutely UN-BEARABLE. Seriously. I can’t focus on anything else but these sounds, even if they’re quiet, they’re still amplified. Imagine whispers sound like they’re going through a megaphone. Some days it takes all of my might not to scream at someone, or take away their item that’s aggravating me so. It feels irrational yes, I’m well aware.
    For coping, I try to get into a meditative state and do some deep belly breathing. I’m also expecting some ear plugs in the mail, so hopefully those help. This truly is debilitating. It makes socializing difficult, makes me feel c*azy. When I try to explain this to my psychiatrist or a therapist, it’s dismissed to be low priority. But for me, this ruins the enjoyment of everyday life.
    _
    Photos circa Pinterest and @manjitthapp for the illustration 💕
    #misophonia #ocd #sensoryoverload #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #panic #mentaldisorder #mentalillness #tired #benzodiazapines #stigma #support #mentalillnessrecovery #help #misophoniaawareness #overloaded

  •  60  6  20 November, 2019
  • Although this is labelled for diazepam, these side effects can be generally applied to the other benzodiazepines like Lorazepam. As well, elderly patients are at a higher risk for the CNS side effects which include amnesia, dizziness, disorientation, and sedation. Monitor your patients closely for side effects!  #thatpharmagal #pharmacy #pharmacystudent #pharmdtobe #pharmacist #communitypharmacy #drug #awareness #sideeffects #beaware #benzodiazapines #monitor #patientcare #patientexperience #patientfirst #patientsafety #anxiety #sedation #anxietyrelief #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #bekind #loveyourself #reportsideeffects #askforhelp #notalone #healthcaretogether #takecareofyourself #youmatter
  • Although this is labelled for diazepam, these side effects can be generally applied to the other benzodiazepines like Lorazepam. As well, elderly patients are at a higher risk for the CNS side effects which include amnesia, dizziness, disorientation, and sedation. Monitor your patients closely for side effects! #thatpharmagal #pharmacy #pharmacystudent #pharmdtobe #pharmacist #communitypharmacy #drug #awareness #sideeffects #beaware #benzodiazapines #monitor #patientcare #patientexperience #patientfirst #patientsafety #anxiety #sedation #anxietyrelief #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #bekind #loveyourself #reportsideeffects #askforhelp #notalone #healthcaretogether #takecareofyourself #youmatter

  •  24  3  8 January, 2020
  • İlaçlar konusunda oldukça önyargı olduğunu düşünüyorum. Tabii ki ilaç, ilk başvurulan çare olmamalı fakat depresyon, bipolar, şizofreni gibi bir çok hastalıkta ilaç hayat kurtarıcı niteliktedir. Amerika’da Hiperaktivite Bozukluğu olan çocuklara ilaçsız tedavi malpractice sayılıyor yani, görevi kötüye kullanma gibi ağır bir suç demek oluyor bu. 
En çok sorulan şeyler ilaca bağımlı olur muyum ? ve ilaç beni robota dönüştürür mü?
•Öncelikle benzodiazepin grubu ilaçlar dışında diğerlerinin bağımlı yapması gibi bir şey söz konusu değildir. Antidepresanı 30 yıl kullanıp bıraksanızda o ilaç size bağımlılık yapmaz. Sadece ya ilacı bıraktım diye yine eskiye dönersem? gibi kaygılar olabilir fakat bu başka bir durumdur. Benzodiazepin grubu ilaçları kullanmamız gerekiyor ise de bunu doktor kontrolünde gerçekleştireceğiniz için korkulacak bir durum yoktur. •2. soruya gelirsek evet birinci nesil ilaçların malesef kilo aldırma, çok fazla uyku hali yapması, odaklanamama gibi ciddi boyutlarda yan etkileri olabiliyordu fakat artık yeni nesil ilaçlar hastanın ihtiyacına göre veriliyor ve bu gibi yan etkileri görmüyoruz. Yan etkisiz ilaç tabii ki yok keşke olsa ama en azından eski nesil ilaçların yaptığı yan etkiler kadar ağır yan etkiler bulunmuyor. Örneğin, uyuma güçlüğü çeken bir depresyon hastasına uykusunu düzene sokacak bir antidepresan verilirken, devamlı uyuduğundan bahseden bir depresyon hastasına farklı bir antidepresan verilir. 
Tabii ki ilk seçeneğiniz ilaç olmasın fakat kullanmak zorunda olduğunuzu doktorunuz söylüyorsa onunla iş birliği yapmalısınız. 
#medicines #psychiatricmedication #ilaçlar #benzodiazapines #psyhology #psychiatrists #tedavi #treatment #psychologyfact #psikoloji #psikolog
  • İlaçlar konusunda oldukça önyargı olduğunu düşünüyorum. Tabii ki ilaç, ilk başvurulan çare olmamalı fakat depresyon, bipolar, şizofreni gibi bir çok hastalıkta ilaç hayat kurtarıcı niteliktedir. Amerika’da Hiperaktivite Bozukluğu olan çocuklara ilaçsız tedavi malpractice sayılıyor yani, görevi kötüye kullanma gibi ağır bir suç demek oluyor bu.
    En çok sorulan şeyler ilaca bağımlı olur muyum ? ve ilaç beni robota dönüştürür mü?
    •Öncelikle benzodiazepin grubu ilaçlar dışında diğerlerinin bağımlı yapması gibi bir şey söz konusu değildir. Antidepresanı 30 yıl kullanıp bıraksanızda o ilaç size bağımlılık yapmaz. Sadece ya ilacı bıraktım diye yine eskiye dönersem? gibi kaygılar olabilir fakat bu başka bir durumdur. Benzodiazepin grubu ilaçları kullanmamız gerekiyor ise de bunu doktor kontrolünde gerçekleştireceğiniz için korkulacak bir durum yoktur. •2. soruya gelirsek evet birinci nesil ilaçların malesef kilo aldırma, çok fazla uyku hali yapması, odaklanamama gibi ciddi boyutlarda yan etkileri olabiliyordu fakat artık yeni nesil ilaçlar hastanın ihtiyacına göre veriliyor ve bu gibi yan etkileri görmüyoruz. Yan etkisiz ilaç tabii ki yok keşke olsa ama en azından eski nesil ilaçların yaptığı yan etkiler kadar ağır yan etkiler bulunmuyor. Örneğin, uyuma güçlüğü çeken bir depresyon hastasına uykusunu düzene sokacak bir antidepresan verilirken, devamlı uyuduğundan bahseden bir depresyon hastasına farklı bir antidepresan verilir.
    Tabii ki ilk seçeneğiniz ilaç olmasın fakat kullanmak zorunda olduğunuzu doktorunuz söylüyorsa onunla iş birliği yapmalısınız.
    #medicines #psychiatricmedication #ilaçlar #benzodiazapines #psyhology #psychiatrists #tedavi #treatment #psychologyfact #psikoloji #psikolog

  •  54  3  17 June, 2019
  • I am so pleased, to FINALLY ANNOUNCE, THAT MY FAIRY JACKET IS COMPLETE. OH MY GOD. I’m so proud of myself for sticking with this project, it’s the biggest one I’ve ever stuck with and is a huge milestone as someone with severe ADHD. I’m almost sick of looking at it by this point but hell yeah I’m wearing it anyway 😂 sorry for the shitty photos, they were all I could rustle up hehe. I have the hood over my dread bun so with my hair down it fits better. Yaaaaay! Now onto the next project, an elf hood cowl thingy 😈 🍂 🍁 .
.
As for other stuff I’m feeling more anxious but controlling it with clonazepam. I have a client at work booked in for a consult who actually asked for me specifically so that feels pretty fucking cool tbh. I will manage, I will survive and I will thrive. I’m leaving my destiny no other choice.
  • I am so pleased, to FINALLY ANNOUNCE, THAT MY FAIRY JACKET IS COMPLETE. OH MY GOD. I’m so proud of myself for sticking with this project, it’s the biggest one I’ve ever stuck with and is a huge milestone as someone with severe ADHD. I’m almost sick of looking at it by this point but hell yeah I’m wearing it anyway 😂 sorry for the shitty photos, they were all I could rustle up hehe. I have the hood over my dread bun so with my hair down it fits better. Yaaaaay! Now onto the next project, an elf hood cowl thingy 😈 🍂 🍁 .
    .
    As for other stuff I’m feeling more anxious but controlling it with clonazepam. I have a client at work booked in for a consult who actually asked for me specifically so that feels pretty fucking cool tbh. I will manage, I will survive and I will thrive. I’m leaving my destiny no other choice.

  •  103  24  1 July, 2019
  • How do you survive and recover from a 
benzodiazepine injury? How about form a 20+ year battle with anorexia..? All sorts of ways..
How do you celebrate recovery & stages of healing..and embracing yourself through the hard changes or dark valleys. 
Late at night when most people are sleeping I stay up in my weird insomnia bubble and move.. all-night-long- 
buying up the time.. praying and moving through the pain.. Each person has a journey through the dark Valley.. I have been very driven my whole life.. sometimes into a wall of destruction... Sometimes I don’t change until I have reached the bottom ( that has a basement) 🤦🏼‍♀️
One thing I do not do -
Is sit around wondering why this happened.. I mean what good does that do ..🙄
Some were poor choices I made, while other stuff I couldn’t have prevented if I had tried and was simply out of my control . 
I force myself to get up, to move despite pain and dizziness and dysotonomia issues.. For me exercise and movement has been a coping tool.. One I am truly greatful for .. It doesn’t mean I feel well enough to move or exercise always.. But I do it for my mental health and sanity!! I force myself to eat despite major GI issues and Benzo belly... I have a battle to win... and so do many of you!!! We didn’t come this far to only come this far., And God willing, we will all make it out.. CHANGED,, yes that is a given.. but humble Af and stronger in many ways than ever before.. I fight my brain daily ...It screams you are fat and should be ahasmed..!! I shut down that voice real quick most days!! (Not always) ... But,, I have survived the very Disorder Drs told my mom I would surely die from., And now Benzo’s.. Never been through anything this long or treturous.. but I will fight my ass off ,,as long as I have breath and I will use this pain for a purpose.. 🙏🏼..
keep moving friends.. Even if it is light stretching.. Celebrate the wonderful blessed mess that you are.. Embrace your imperfections and own your story!! ... Use it, grow through it and use your pain to help others. Your story will be someone else’s survival guide.. love to all the amazing Warriors 🙏🏼🖤
  • How do you survive and recover from a
    benzodiazepine injury? How about form a 20+ year battle with anorexia..? All sorts of ways..
    How do you celebrate recovery & stages of healing..and embracing yourself through the hard changes or dark valleys.
    Late at night when most people are sleeping I stay up in my weird insomnia bubble and move.. all-night-long-
    buying up the time.. praying and moving through the pain.. Each person has a journey through the dark Valley.. I have been very driven my whole life.. sometimes into a wall of destruction... Sometimes I don’t change until I have reached the bottom ( that has a basement) 🤦🏼‍♀️
    One thing I do not do -
    Is sit around wondering why this happened.. I mean what good does that do ..🙄
    Some were poor choices I made, while other stuff I couldn’t have prevented if I had tried and was simply out of my control .
    I force myself to get up, to move despite pain and dizziness and dysotonomia issues.. For me exercise and movement has been a coping tool.. One I am truly greatful for .. It doesn’t mean I feel well enough to move or exercise always.. But I do it for my mental health and sanity!! I force myself to eat despite major GI issues and Benzo belly... I have a battle to win... and so do many of you!!! We didn’t come this far to only come this far., And God willing, we will all make it out.. CHANGED,, yes that is a given.. but humble Af and stronger in many ways than ever before.. I fight my brain daily ...It screams you are fat and should be ahasmed..!! I shut down that voice real quick most days!! (Not always) ... But,, I have survived the very Disorder Drs told my mom I would surely die from., And now Benzo’s.. Never been through anything this long or treturous.. but I will fight my ass off ,,as long as I have breath and I will use this pain for a purpose.. 🙏🏼..
    keep moving friends.. Even if it is light stretching.. Celebrate the wonderful blessed mess that you are.. Embrace your imperfections and own your story!! ... Use it, grow through it and use your pain to help others. Your story will be someone else’s survival guide.. love to all the amazing Warriors 🙏🏼🖤

  •  26  10  30 August, 2019
  • Do you know anyone who has been taking Valium, Xanax, Ativan or any other benzodiazepines for more than a couple of months?

There's very little evidence that says that is safe to do....and a LOT of evidence that says it's bad.

Just look at the quote from a professor of medicine at UBC.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
#ativan #valium #xanax #benzodiazapines #bigpharma #drugs #drugedealer #cdc #sideeffects #deaths #mortality #murrayville #gainesville #ung #northgeorgia #dawsonville #dahlonega #drdrew #chiropractic #chooseyourlife
  • Do you know anyone who has been taking Valium, Xanax, Ativan or any other benzodiazepines for more than a couple of months?

    There's very little evidence that says that is safe to do....and a LOT of evidence that says it's bad.

    Just look at the quote from a professor of medicine at UBC.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    #ativan #valium #xanax #benzodiazapines #bigpharma #drugs #drugedealer #cdc #sideeffects #deaths #mortality #murrayville #gainesville #ung #northgeorgia #dawsonville #dahlonega #drdrew #chiropractic #chooseyourlife

  •  16  3  20 October, 2018
  • Alright everybody! Since I’m really getting into the swing of #calligraphy these days,  I’m starting an #alphabetofmedicine series, calligraphy style! I’ll be posting one brand name medicine per day in #brushpencalligraphy, followed by the generic name in #pointedpencalligraphy! Join in with me! I tag @ave_odacrem because I want company in doing this :)⁣
⁣⁣
⁣Day 1/26: A⁣
⁣What better way to start the day than with a ride on the ATIVAN?⁣
⁣⁣
⁣Have a med you’d like to see? Drop a comment and I’ll do it!⁣
⁣⁣
⁣#calligraphychallenge #handlettering #handletteringpractice #coliro #finetec #arabicgold #tombowbrushpen #tombow #brushlettering #brushpen #brushpenlettering #nursingmemes #nurse #nursing #RN #nurselife #ativan #combativepatients #benzodiazapines #EMS #emergencynurse #emergencynursing #youaregettingverysleepy
  • Alright everybody! Since I’m really getting into the swing of #calligraphy these days, I’m starting an #alphabetofmedicine series, calligraphy style! I’ll be posting one brand name medicine per day in #brushpencalligraphy, followed by the generic name in #pointedpencalligraphy! Join in with me! I tag @ave_odacrem because I want company in doing this :)⁣
    ⁣⁣
    ⁣Day 1/26: A⁣
    ⁣What better way to start the day than with a ride on the ATIVAN?⁣
    ⁣⁣
    ⁣Have a med you’d like to see? Drop a comment and I’ll do it!⁣
    ⁣⁣
    #calligraphychallenge #handlettering #handletteringpractice #coliro #finetec #arabicgold #tombowbrushpen #tombow #brushlettering #brushpen #brushpenlettering #nursingmemes #nurse #nursing #RN #nurselife #ativan #combativepatients #benzodiazapines #EMS #emergencynurse #emergencynursing #youaregettingverysleepy

  •  31  3  14 April, 2019
  • I forgot to take my lithium for a week. Oops. Been back on it 2/3 days and this is the fucking result. I am so fucking frustrated, I’m a tattoo artist I cannot have shaky hands! Why do I get every single side effect fucking ever! But I can’t stop taking it or I’ll get unwell again. And the stupidest thing with a tremor is the harder you try to stay still, the more you shake. I am so fucking over this shit. My inhaler makes it worse but if I don’t take that I’ll fucking die. The week I was off lithium my tremor actually went away, now it’s back with a vengeance. I just can’t. I try so fucking hard to do good for myself and be positive and something always has to fuck up. Something always has to be in the way. Something always has to hold me back. I’m so angry. I wonder why I even bother trying sometimes but like I have a fucking choice.
  • I forgot to take my lithium for a week. Oops. Been back on it 2/3 days and this is the fucking result. I am so fucking frustrated, I’m a tattoo artist I cannot have shaky hands! Why do I get every single side effect fucking ever! But I can’t stop taking it or I’ll get unwell again. And the stupidest thing with a tremor is the harder you try to stay still, the more you shake. I am so fucking over this shit. My inhaler makes it worse but if I don’t take that I’ll fucking die. The week I was off lithium my tremor actually went away, now it’s back with a vengeance. I just can’t. I try so fucking hard to do good for myself and be positive and something always has to fuck up. Something always has to be in the way. Something always has to hold me back. I’m so angry. I wonder why I even bother trying sometimes but like I have a fucking choice.

  •  42  18  30 July, 2019
  • Showing off my clip in wool dreads from @inner_spirit_boho_fashion 🖤 .
.
.
.
I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and I’m feeling a bit triggered. A lot triggered. I had a cry about ‘why do all the complicated things happen to me, why do I get all the side effects, why am I so hard to treat’ and my psych said ‘maybe there’s some emotional dysregulation going on there or BPD, BPD and bipolar look very similar or you could even have bits of both’ and I just froze. Flashes of my experience in Australia were coming back to me and I just shut down. I told him that no, I do not have multiple mood swings within a day, no they do not have any connotations to what’s going on in my usual life and no I do not freak out over small things. Besides the fact that if there were emotional dysregulation that’s common with ADHD and ASD so why the FUCK did he bring up fucking BPD? I DO NOT HAVE IT. I relate to none of the symptoms, and my close friends and partner all agree that prospect is somewhat ridiculous. Next time I’ll just say I’m fine even if I’m not. I’m convinced that temporary psychiatrist poisoned his mind with ideas about me. He seemed to change his mind by the end of the appointment and referred me to anxiety therapy instead of DBT as he didn’t think DBT would be of much use but I hate that he brought up BPD, especially as I’m responding to my bipolar meds, the only problem I have leftover now is intense anxiety. He prescribed me some lorazepam and we talked about switching to haloperidol from risperidone but I may ask if an antidepressant could take the place of an antipsychotic altogether as I only take antipsychotics for anxiety now. I’m just really rattled and can’t stop thinking about it. He of all people should understand that just because you prescribe a drug to treat depressive phases it won’t make them magically disappear, just improve them. I have improved on lamictal so I don’t understand where he got ‘emotional dysregulation’ from and I’m kinda fucked off about it. This is why I said I’d never go back to another psychiatrist.
  • Showing off my clip in wool dreads from @inner_spirit_boho_fashion 🖤 .
    .
    .
    .
    I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and I’m feeling a bit triggered. A lot triggered. I had a cry about ‘why do all the complicated things happen to me, why do I get all the side effects, why am I so hard to treat’ and my psych said ‘maybe there’s some emotional dysregulation going on there or BPD, BPD and bipolar look very similar or you could even have bits of both’ and I just froze. Flashes of my experience in Australia were coming back to me and I just shut down. I told him that no, I do not have multiple mood swings within a day, no they do not have any connotations to what’s going on in my usual life and no I do not freak out over small things. Besides the fact that if there were emotional dysregulation that’s common with ADHD and ASD so why the FUCK did he bring up fucking BPD? I DO NOT HAVE IT. I relate to none of the symptoms, and my close friends and partner all agree that prospect is somewhat ridiculous. Next time I’ll just say I’m fine even if I’m not. I’m convinced that temporary psychiatrist poisoned his mind with ideas about me. He seemed to change his mind by the end of the appointment and referred me to anxiety therapy instead of DBT as he didn’t think DBT would be of much use but I hate that he brought up BPD, especially as I’m responding to my bipolar meds, the only problem I have leftover now is intense anxiety. He prescribed me some lorazepam and we talked about switching to haloperidol from risperidone but I may ask if an antidepressant could take the place of an antipsychotic altogether as I only take antipsychotics for anxiety now. I’m just really rattled and can’t stop thinking about it. He of all people should understand that just because you prescribe a drug to treat depressive phases it won’t make them magically disappear, just improve them. I have improved on lamictal so I don’t understand where he got ‘emotional dysregulation’ from and I’m kinda fucked off about it. This is why I said I’d never go back to another psychiatrist.

  •  63  7  17 July, 2019
  • when you beat benzodiazepine dependence.
.
15 years ago, i was prescribed klonopin to soothe panic attacks in college & graduate school. 10 years ago, i was put on xanax for anxiety & insomnia while living in the city that never sleeps.
.
however, long-term benzo use causes many symptoms they’re prescribed to treat: depression, anxiety, memory + cognitive impairment, poor concentration, dizziness, sleep, aggressive behavior, suicidal impulses, dependence. this is by no means a full list...
.
doctors who casually mentioned dependency (but never any other horrendous side effects) weren’t worried about me because i’d never increased my dose. it didn’t matter. dependency can occur even when taking benzos as prescribed & can form in as quickly as 2 months. i’d been on them for 11 years by that time.
.
forgetting a dose meant unbelievable migraines, with anxiety, crying spells & speech impairment so severe, i had to leave work to take the missed dose. and yet, it never seemed the right time for facing withdrawals from a drug taper.
.
tapering benzos is a slow process—one that requires time, research, patience & support. this isn’t because people on benzos are weak-willed or lazy, but because the dependence withdrawal cycle is very intense & should never be done in a rush or “cold turkey”, at the risk of seizures. the withdrawals can last weeks or months, with a list of bizarre & frightening symptoms.
.
and yet, family may regard you with a sideways glance, friends may think it is “too much”, doctors may shrink from questions, suggesting yet more pills to blunt very real concerns.
.
our culture would have you believe that the answer is in a pill. even if that pill be eventually be one’s doom. we are led to believe that is the only choice, but is that true?
.
ask questions. do research. ask for help. find support. and no matter what path you choose, do so with informed consent. and believe that your health is worth the effort.
🌹
.
sources & further reading: 
dr. kelly brogan, @kellybroganmd ....
the inner compass initiative:
theinnercompass.org
...
the ashton manuals:
benzo.org.uk
...
📷 @lifeforce_photography
  • when you beat benzodiazepine dependence.
    .
    15 years ago, i was prescribed klonopin to soothe panic attacks in college & graduate school. 10 years ago, i was put on xanax for anxiety & insomnia while living in the city that never sleeps.
    .
    however, long-term benzo use causes many symptoms they’re prescribed to treat: depression, anxiety, memory + cognitive impairment, poor concentration, dizziness, sleep, aggressive behavior, suicidal impulses, dependence. this is by no means a full list...
    .
    doctors who casually mentioned dependency (but never any other horrendous side effects) weren’t worried about me because i’d never increased my dose. it didn’t matter. dependency can occur even when taking benzos as prescribed & can form in as quickly as 2 months. i’d been on them for 11 years by that time.
    .
    forgetting a dose meant unbelievable migraines, with anxiety, crying spells & speech impairment so severe, i had to leave work to take the missed dose. and yet, it never seemed the right time for facing withdrawals from a drug taper.
    .
    tapering benzos is a slow process—one that requires time, research, patience & support. this isn’t because people on benzos are weak-willed or lazy, but because the dependence withdrawal cycle is very intense & should never be done in a rush or “cold turkey”, at the risk of seizures. the withdrawals can last weeks or months, with a list of bizarre & frightening symptoms.
    .
    and yet, family may regard you with a sideways glance, friends may think it is “too much”, doctors may shrink from questions, suggesting yet more pills to blunt very real concerns.
    .
    our culture would have you believe that the answer is in a pill. even if that pill be eventually be one’s doom. we are led to believe that is the only choice, but is that true?
    .
    ask questions. do research. ask for help. find support. and no matter what path you choose, do so with informed consent. and believe that your health is worth the effort.
    🌹
    .
    sources & further reading:
    dr. kelly brogan, @kellybroganmd ....
    the inner compass initiative:
    theinnercompass.org
    ...
    the ashton manuals:
    benzo.org.uk
    ...
    📷 @lifeforce_photography

  •  176  54  23 May, 2019
  • *
*
I have a deep and personal hatred for insomnia. 
When I was at my sickest, fighting every minute of every day to stay to get by... All I wanted to do at night time was go to sleep.

To allow my body to rest, reset and prepare for another day. 
Unfortunately, Lyme + Bartonella had different plans. 
For me, it wasn’t uncommon to be awake an entire night (sometimes 2 or 3 in a row) accompanied by an inability to nap. 
Here is a list of everything that I can remember that I took to try and combat insomnia:😴
*
*
-Zoplicone
-Sublinox
-Valerian Root
-GABA
-Ativan
-Clonazepam 😑
-Marijuana 🌙
-Temazepam
-Trazodone
-Melatonin
-Seroquel
-Alcohol

When I was very sick, none of the natural remedies would remotely touch my insomnia. 
I had to resort to high does of pharmaceutical sleep medication. 
Although I am a strong advocate for natural remedies, I am extremely grateful that I had strong pharmaceutical options when I needed sleep the most. 
I didn’t want to be on medications...but I needed to. At my worst, I went through and episode of sleeping 30-60 minutes a night for 2 weeks straight. 
Thought I was going to die.

Every medication I tried seemed to get swallowed up into a black hole inside my brain. 
Once I began to treat the underlying causes of my insomnia, (Lyme + Co-Infections) my sleep improved dramatically. 
#insomnia #insomniasucks #lymediseaseawareness #lymewarrior #overcome #benzodiazapines #mylymejourney #roadtoremission #catchingsomezzzs #lymedontkillmyvibe #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicillnessawareness #countingsheep
  • *
    *
    I have a deep and personal hatred for insomnia.
    When I was at my sickest, fighting every minute of every day to stay to get by... All I wanted to do at night time was go to sleep.

    To allow my body to rest, reset and prepare for another day.
    Unfortunately, Lyme + Bartonella had different plans.
    For me, it wasn’t uncommon to be awake an entire night (sometimes 2 or 3 in a row) accompanied by an inability to nap.
    Here is a list of everything that I can remember that I took to try and combat insomnia:😴
    *
    *
    -Zoplicone
    -Sublinox
    -Valerian Root
    -GABA
    -Ativan
    -Clonazepam 😑
    -Marijuana 🌙
    -Temazepam
    -Trazodone
    -Melatonin
    -Seroquel
    -Alcohol

    When I was very sick, none of the natural remedies would remotely touch my insomnia.
    I had to resort to high does of pharmaceutical sleep medication.
    Although I am a strong advocate for natural remedies, I am extremely grateful that I had strong pharmaceutical options when I needed sleep the most.
    I didn’t want to be on medications...but I needed to. At my worst, I went through and episode of sleeping 30-60 minutes a night for 2 weeks straight.
    Thought I was going to die.

    Every medication I tried seemed to get swallowed up into a black hole inside my brain.
    Once I began to treat the underlying causes of my insomnia, (Lyme + Co-Infections) my sleep improved dramatically.
    #insomnia #insomniasucks #lymediseaseawareness #lymewarrior #overcome #benzodiazapines #mylymejourney #roadtoremission #catchingsomezzzs #lymedontkillmyvibe #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicillnessawareness #countingsheep

  •  17  2  13 January, 2020
  • I’m seriously considering talking to my psych about stopping taking lithium. It’s scary because this is the most stable I’ve ever been in my life but I just can’t put up with the tremor and the way it dulls my mind. 
The week or so I was off it I actually felt things in ways I hadn’t for a long time. I had that ‘can do’ attitude back in full force. I never noticed the side effects going on it when I was manic, but going back on it this time I am so fucking tired, so shaky, my memory is falling away like wet cake and it’s really holding me back in my career. I never know when my tremor is going to act up and is giving me zero confidence. My hands don’t really shake when I’m resting, it’s only when I try do something like hold something or grip it that it really comes out. I can’t take beta blockers to help it because I’m an asthmatic. 
I think I would rather be a bit crazy and have something to look back on in my life and be proud of, than be ‘stable’ and waste my best years being held back and dulled. 
I have such little choice in so many of the things that happen to me, but I can choose in this situation what I want to do. My creativity isn’t nearly what it used to be, I haven’t done a big piece of art in aaaages, I hate all this weight I’ve gained and I’m just done. I’ve dealt with my ups and downs my whole life, I know what to expect, and I’ll stay on lamotrigine which will help. If I get bad again, I’ll go back on lithium because it works. But for now, I can’t take the side effects. It’s a big decision, but I think I’ve made up my mind. 
My life is my story to write.
  • I’m seriously considering talking to my psych about stopping taking lithium. It’s scary because this is the most stable I’ve ever been in my life but I just can’t put up with the tremor and the way it dulls my mind.
    The week or so I was off it I actually felt things in ways I hadn’t for a long time. I had that ‘can do’ attitude back in full force. I never noticed the side effects going on it when I was manic, but going back on it this time I am so fucking tired, so shaky, my memory is falling away like wet cake and it’s really holding me back in my career. I never know when my tremor is going to act up and is giving me zero confidence. My hands don’t really shake when I’m resting, it’s only when I try do something like hold something or grip it that it really comes out. I can’t take beta blockers to help it because I’m an asthmatic.
    I think I would rather be a bit crazy and have something to look back on in my life and be proud of, than be ‘stable’ and waste my best years being held back and dulled.
    I have such little choice in so many of the things that happen to me, but I can choose in this situation what I want to do. My creativity isn’t nearly what it used to be, I haven’t done a big piece of art in aaaages, I hate all this weight I’ve gained and I’m just done. I’ve dealt with my ups and downs my whole life, I know what to expect, and I’ll stay on lamotrigine which will help. If I get bad again, I’ll go back on lithium because it works. But for now, I can’t take the side effects. It’s a big decision, but I think I’ve made up my mind.
    My life is my story to write.

  •  27  23  2 August, 2019
  • Ohhhh yesss I just had the most satisfying psychiatrist appointment. 
I first gave him a full, well rounded list of reasons as to why I don’t have BPD and never have, and he completely agreed with me. He said he only brought it up as a just in case thing but didn’t think it was really a thing we had to worry about and he made no mention of it in my notes. He understood why I was so sensitive about the subject though (I was misdiagnosed as BPD for a year or so despite not having any symptoms of it, and could not find ANYONE to take me seriously before I had a huge manic episode and finally got diagnosed correctly with bipolar I. Hence I am very sensitive about the subject) and everything was cool. 
Then I asked about coming off lithium. We first discussed alternatives, valproate was off the table as it also can cause weight gain and a tremor as well as being very bad to get pregnant on. 
We discussed carbamazepine but that’s also not great to get pregnant on and it can also lower the effectiveness of several other drugs including my contraceptive pill, lamictal and a bunch of other shit. And it can also cause weight gain. 
So we then discussed either dropping the lithium to a lower dose like 400mg and seeing if my tremor subsides and I still stay level, or taper off the lithium slowly down to nothing and taking a small dose of risperidone to act as an anti manic, or taking the risk of coming off lithium all together and not going on anything else and just keeping an eye on things. 
The best part was he said it was entirely up to me, it’s my body and I’m an adult who can make my own choices and take my own risks, and that they’re there to help at any point. 
I’ve decided to see if taking a lower dose will be enough to take the tremor away. If that doesn’t work I’m planning on stopping it entirely and just monitoring my moods as I go. I feel so free and relieved now! Oh, and I’ll finally have a functioning thyroid again without lithium 😂🌞🌈🎭🎆💊
  • Ohhhh yesss I just had the most satisfying psychiatrist appointment.
    I first gave him a full, well rounded list of reasons as to why I don’t have BPD and never have, and he completely agreed with me. He said he only brought it up as a just in case thing but didn’t think it was really a thing we had to worry about and he made no mention of it in my notes. He understood why I was so sensitive about the subject though (I was misdiagnosed as BPD for a year or so despite not having any symptoms of it, and could not find ANYONE to take me seriously before I had a huge manic episode and finally got diagnosed correctly with bipolar I. Hence I am very sensitive about the subject) and everything was cool.
    Then I asked about coming off lithium. We first discussed alternatives, valproate was off the table as it also can cause weight gain and a tremor as well as being very bad to get pregnant on.
    We discussed carbamazepine but that’s also not great to get pregnant on and it can also lower the effectiveness of several other drugs including my contraceptive pill, lamictal and a bunch of other shit. And it can also cause weight gain.
    So we then discussed either dropping the lithium to a lower dose like 400mg and seeing if my tremor subsides and I still stay level, or taper off the lithium slowly down to nothing and taking a small dose of risperidone to act as an anti manic, or taking the risk of coming off lithium all together and not going on anything else and just keeping an eye on things.
    The best part was he said it was entirely up to me, it’s my body and I’m an adult who can make my own choices and take my own risks, and that they’re there to help at any point.
    I’ve decided to see if taking a lower dose will be enough to take the tremor away. If that doesn’t work I’m planning on stopping it entirely and just monitoring my moods as I go. I feel so free and relieved now! Oh, and I’ll finally have a functioning thyroid again without lithium 😂🌞🌈🎭🎆💊

  •  64  5  8 August, 2019
  • If someone who is healthy takes a pill, it would make them sick. So how in the hell can someone take a pill who is sick become healthy?

They can't!
  • If someone who is healthy takes a pill, it would make them sick. So how in the hell can someone take a pill who is sick become healthy?

    They can't!

  •  17  2  20 October, 2018