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  • Sorry for going way too quiet I’ve been dealing with rather horrible mental exhaustion. It’s not an easy time of year for me for many reasons and I always find it too difficult to even get into the Christmas mood but this year I’m finding it exceptionally difficult 😓. Admittedly so much has happened this year and most of it being negative . You have known me as someone who is very positive but even someone like myself can find certain times very testing . Childhood trauma and development of serious mental health illnesses is two of the reasons why I find it so difficult to celebrate Christmas as I’ve lost so much in my life and to be honest I’ve been thrown many hurdles (which I have overcome). Christmas just reminds me of everything I’ve lost physical and mental health wise and it always reminds me of what I haven’t got . I’m always constantly comparing myself to others and guarantee I always find negative things about myself and always think that person is better than I am .
Anyway rant over and honestly feel better for it as even though I do class myself as very strong I do find times like Christmas hard . But I know I’ll get through it even though I feel that I won’t .
Also the next picture is the medication that I take that has stabilised my bipolar and least to say I’m thankful for that 💚
Oh and yes my hair is officially blue now since i gotten bored of the other colour ☺️.
#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthisimportant 
#bipolar #bipolarawareness #ptsd #ptsdawareness #panicdisorder #depression #depressionawareness #anxiety #anxietyawareness #expressyourself #beunique #beyourself #bebeautiful #loveyourself #warriors #tattoedgirl #piercedgirl
  • Sorry for going way too quiet I’ve been dealing with rather horrible mental exhaustion. It’s not an easy time of year for me for many reasons and I always find it too difficult to even get into the Christmas mood but this year I’m finding it exceptionally difficult 😓. Admittedly so much has happened this year and most of it being negative . You have known me as someone who is very positive but even someone like myself can find certain times very testing . Childhood trauma and development of serious mental health illnesses is two of the reasons why I find it so difficult to celebrate Christmas as I’ve lost so much in my life and to be honest I’ve been thrown many hurdles (which I have overcome). Christmas just reminds me of everything I’ve lost physical and mental health wise and it always reminds me of what I haven’t got . I’m always constantly comparing myself to others and guarantee I always find negative things about myself and always think that person is better than I am .
    Anyway rant over and honestly feel better for it as even though I do class myself as very strong I do find times like Christmas hard . But I know I’ll get through it even though I feel that I won’t .
    Also the next picture is the medication that I take that has stabilised my bipolar and least to say I’m thankful for that 💚
    Oh and yes my hair is officially blue now since i gotten bored of the other colour ☺️.
    #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthisimportant
    #bipolar #bipolarawareness #ptsd #ptsdawareness #panicdisorder #depression #depressionawareness #anxiety #anxietyawareness #expressyourself #beunique #beyourself #bebeautiful #loveyourself #warriors #tattoedgirl #piercedgirl

  •  0  0  3 minutes ago
  • These signs are just that: signs. They will not confirm that there has been sexual abuse. The best way to find out if something is going on is by communicating with our kids.

Growing up, my mom would do quarterly interviews with each of us kids. She’d ask what we needed (more deodorant, school supplies, etc.), how we were doing in school, church. I loved getting one-on-one time with my mom, and I will always be grateful for and admire her efforts, but I remember wishing she would ask more and do it more often.

Kids need reassurance that we are available for real conversations more often than just once a quarter. Make an effort to sit down and really listen to them as often as you can. Consider conducting family councils, frequent child interviews, dates with your kids, questionnaires. Have screen-free family meals, get conversation cards.

In the comments, I’m going to share some questions you can ask your kids at your next family meal to get a conversation going. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to talk, so I’d love to compile this into a free printable to share. Feel free to join in on the fun and add some questions! I’ll randomly pick one of you and send you an educational book ❤️
  • These signs are just that: signs. They will not confirm that there has been sexual abuse. The best way to find out if something is going on is by communicating with our kids.

    Growing up, my mom would do quarterly interviews with each of us kids. She’d ask what we needed (more deodorant, school supplies, etc.), how we were doing in school, church. I loved getting one-on-one time with my mom, and I will always be grateful for and admire her efforts, but I remember wishing she would ask more and do it more often.

    Kids need reassurance that we are available for real conversations more often than just once a quarter. Make an effort to sit down and really listen to them as often as you can. Consider conducting family councils, frequent child interviews, dates with your kids, questionnaires. Have screen-free family meals, get conversation cards.

    In the comments, I’m going to share some questions you can ask your kids at your next family meal to get a conversation going. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to talk, so I’d love to compile this into a free printable to share. Feel free to join in on the fun and add some questions! I’ll randomly pick one of you and send you an educational book ❤️

  •  16  8  10 minutes ago
  • 【出来るだけ生々しい表現は避けてますが、性的トラウマがある方は読むのをご遠慮ください。】
あくまで自己責任でお願いします。
※
※
インスタ開設して、3ヶ月がたちましたが…。
この夜のことは何度も書いては消してきて。
一瞬アップしてもすぐやめて消したり。
それくらい、私にはまだまだ不特定多数に向けて詳細を公表するほどの勇気もなく、乗り越えてる訳でもないからできずにいました。
今回も書いてる最中に涙がやはり出て、吐き気を催し、頓服も飲みました(どんだけ)
だけど、今までとは違う感情が今はあります。
書いてよかったかはわからないけど、今までで一番ちゃんと書けた。
※
※
私はいわゆる【性サバイバー】で、でもこの言葉は好きではない(笑)
性被害者ってことになります。
この夜の件だけでなく、以後七年に渡り、兄からは色んな形で性虐待に遭います。
でも保育園時代のpostにもある様に、実態としてはその頃からあったので12年間くらいですかね。
ほぼ毎日…といった日常的なものではありません。
そして、兄だけでなく、見知らぬ人や知ってる人からの性被害にも遇い続けますが…これはまた順を追って書いていきます。
※
※
私にとって、自分がはっきりと認識した性的トラウマの一番最初がこれです。
実兄だけに…実は未だに一番心を蝕んでるものかもしれません。
そしてこの件を機にどんどん反抗期が増長し、唯一の味方であった父とも確執の日々がはじまるので…ここが全てのスタートだった気がします。
そして、夫もここまでの詳細は知らない。
何があったかしか言わなかったから。
他の性被害は割と早い段階で言えたんですが
これだけはなかなか何年も言えませんでした。
※
※
母とはちなみに高校以降は仲良かったです。
母も年齢と共に落ち着きをみせていってたのかもしれません。

#BPD
#bpd 
#境界性パーソナリティ障害 
#パーソナリティ障害 
#PTSD 
#不安障害
#うつ
#不眠
  • 【出来るだけ生々しい表現は避けてますが、性的トラウマがある方は読むのをご遠慮ください。】
    あくまで自己責任でお願いします。


    インスタ開設して、3ヶ月がたちましたが…。
    この夜のことは何度も書いては消してきて。
    一瞬アップしてもすぐやめて消したり。
    それくらい、私にはまだまだ不特定多数に向けて詳細を公表するほどの勇気もなく、乗り越えてる訳でもないからできずにいました。
    今回も書いてる最中に涙がやはり出て、吐き気を催し、頓服も飲みました(どんだけ)
    だけど、今までとは違う感情が今はあります。
    書いてよかったかはわからないけど、今までで一番ちゃんと書けた。


    私はいわゆる【性サバイバー】で、でもこの言葉は好きではない(笑)
    性被害者ってことになります。
    この夜の件だけでなく、以後七年に渡り、兄からは色んな形で性虐待に遭います。
    でも保育園時代のpostにもある様に、実態としてはその頃からあったので12年間くらいですかね。
    ほぼ毎日…といった日常的なものではありません。
    そして、兄だけでなく、見知らぬ人や知ってる人からの性被害にも遇い続けますが…これはまた順を追って書いていきます。


    私にとって、自分がはっきりと認識した性的トラウマの一番最初がこれです。
    実兄だけに…実は未だに一番心を蝕んでるものかもしれません。
    そしてこの件を機にどんどん反抗期が増長し、唯一の味方であった父とも確執の日々がはじまるので…ここが全てのスタートだった気がします。
    そして、夫もここまでの詳細は知らない。
    何があったかしか言わなかったから。
    他の性被害は割と早い段階で言えたんですが
    これだけはなかなか何年も言えませんでした。


    母とはちなみに高校以降は仲良かったです。
    母も年齢と共に落ち着きをみせていってたのかもしれません。

    #BPD
    #bpd
    #境界性パーソナリティ障害
    #パーソナリティ障害
    #PTSD
    #不安障害
    #うつ
    #不眠

  •  3  0  36 minutes ago
  • So many people often wonder why I will do anything for my rabbits and chinchillas, this is why.... Addie was the first rabbit I had that I called my emotional support rabbit (she was not legally an ESA but she commonly played the part). When I had panic attacks, she would lay on me until they subsided. When I broke my pelvis, she spent her days on the couch with me. One night when I was trying to commit suicide, Addie walked out into the kitchen and stared at me. She is the only reason I stopped. And she didn’t leave my side until I was okay. 
Losing Addie was equivalent to losing a part of my soul. For about a month, Addie was bonded to Simba (then she passed away). During that time, she must have explained to him what I needed. 
Over the last few months, Simba has refused to leave my side when I’m struggling. Early this morning, I was completely unable to move from my bed. Panicked and overwhelmed, I started bawling. Simba wouldn’t leave the bed until I put him up with me. He instantly put his paw next to my face and shoved his own face full force as hard as he could into mine. He gave me kisses over and over and over. I fell asleep and got the most sleep I have in days. When I woke up, he was still there with his entire body and face pressed against mine. 
I give so much of myself to animals because they have continuously given me their unconditional love when they have every reason to hate humans. They love with an intensity that is unexplainable. • #rabbit #rabbitsofinstagram #rabbitlover #therapy #ptsd #esa #rescue #bipolar #adoptdontshop
  • So many people often wonder why I will do anything for my rabbits and chinchillas, this is why.... Addie was the first rabbit I had that I called my emotional support rabbit (she was not legally an ESA but she commonly played the part). When I had panic attacks, she would lay on me until they subsided. When I broke my pelvis, she spent her days on the couch with me. One night when I was trying to commit suicide, Addie walked out into the kitchen and stared at me. She is the only reason I stopped. And she didn’t leave my side until I was okay.
    Losing Addie was equivalent to losing a part of my soul. For about a month, Addie was bonded to Simba (then she passed away). During that time, she must have explained to him what I needed.
    Over the last few months, Simba has refused to leave my side when I’m struggling. Early this morning, I was completely unable to move from my bed. Panicked and overwhelmed, I started bawling. Simba wouldn’t leave the bed until I put him up with me. He instantly put his paw next to my face and shoved his own face full force as hard as he could into mine. He gave me kisses over and over and over. I fell asleep and got the most sleep I have in days. When I woke up, he was still there with his entire body and face pressed against mine.
    I give so much of myself to animals because they have continuously given me their unconditional love when they have every reason to hate humans. They love with an intensity that is unexplainable. • #rabbit #rabbitsofinstagram #rabbitlover #therapy #ptsd #esa #rescue #bipolar #adoptdontshop

  •  29  3  43 minutes ago
  • 熱が再び上がっては下がったり繰り返してます。
前にも書いたのですが、精神疾患者は健常者よりも疲れやすいらしく、私も例に漏れずそうです。
「うつは甘え」という人もいると聞きますし、やはり当事者でないとわからない苦しみを、周囲に理解してもらうというのは本当に困難なことです。
※
※
私はそんな自分を理解して欲しくてこれを書いたのもありますが…。
今の職場でも、やはり私は元気一杯タイプに見られてる様で、苦悩とは無縁のキャラにされてます。
自分像の中にあるギャップを埋めていくためにも、私には一旦、ここで自分史を書く必要があるとも思った。
勿論今の職場にカミングアウトする気もこれを見せる気もないけど、私の中で苦しみを増殖させないためにも吐き出す必要が今あった。
※
※
いわゆる暴露療法に近い行為と思います。先生の監視下でない上に自分で勝手にやってるから、下手するとPTSDを色濃くしてしまうかもしれない。
自分のコントロールって、本当に難しいですね。

#BPD
#bpd 
#境界性パーソナリティ障害 
#パーソナリティ障害 
#PTSD 
#不安障害
#うつ
#不眠
  • 熱が再び上がっては下がったり繰り返してます。
    前にも書いたのですが、精神疾患者は健常者よりも疲れやすいらしく、私も例に漏れずそうです。
    「うつは甘え」という人もいると聞きますし、やはり当事者でないとわからない苦しみを、周囲に理解してもらうというのは本当に困難なことです。


    私はそんな自分を理解して欲しくてこれを書いたのもありますが…。
    今の職場でも、やはり私は元気一杯タイプに見られてる様で、苦悩とは無縁のキャラにされてます。
    自分像の中にあるギャップを埋めていくためにも、私には一旦、ここで自分史を書く必要があるとも思った。
    勿論今の職場にカミングアウトする気もこれを見せる気もないけど、私の中で苦しみを増殖させないためにも吐き出す必要が今あった。


    いわゆる暴露療法に近い行為と思います。先生の監視下でない上に自分で勝手にやってるから、下手するとPTSDを色濃くしてしまうかもしれない。
    自分のコントロールって、本当に難しいですね。

    #BPD
    #bpd
    #境界性パーソナリティ障害
    #パーソナリティ障害
    #PTSD
    #不安障害
    #うつ
    #不眠

  •  3  0  49 minutes ago
  • Almost have my forever PTSD puppy! There is 2 others I am seeing if we are a good match. This is General. He's 2 years, male, hound/beagle. His zoom zoom powers are strong (see in second photo!)... and I still look like a teen-age boy. Lol. #ptsd #ptsdawareness #ptsdrecovery #ptsddog #ptsddogsareawesome
  • Almost have my forever PTSD puppy! There is 2 others I am seeing if we are a good match. This is General. He's 2 years, male, hound/beagle. His zoom zoom powers are strong (see in second photo!)... and I still look like a teen-age boy. Lol. #ptsd #ptsdawareness #ptsdrecovery #ptsddog #ptsddogsareawesome

  •  4  0  56 minutes ago

Top #Ptsd Posts

  • Every abuser I have suffered knew they were abusive, had self control and acted differently around other people.
They also lied about their abusive actions.
And tried to silence me.
All proof the abuse was intentional, conscious and deliberately motivated.
Most abusers know they are abusers.
And it is more trauma to the victim when people suggest it's not intentional.
It insults my intelligence when people try to say abuser's don't understand their behavior are abusive.
I deal with truth and reality and that's one reason why I have healed from horrific trauma. .
~ Lilly Hope Lucario 💜💜💜
.

#lillyhopelucario #healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd 
#abuse #childabuse #CPTSD #ComplexPTSD #complextrauma #PTSD #trauma #healing #growth 
#truth #reality
  • Every abuser I have suffered knew they were abusive, had self control and acted differently around other people.
    They also lied about their abusive actions.
    And tried to silence me.
    All proof the abuse was intentional, conscious and deliberately motivated.
    Most abusers know they are abusers.
    And it is more trauma to the victim when people suggest it's not intentional.
    It insults my intelligence when people try to say abuser's don't understand their behavior are abusive.
    I deal with truth and reality and that's one reason why I have healed from horrific trauma. .
    ~ Lilly Hope Lucario 💜💜💜
    .

    #lillyhopelucario #healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd
    #abuse #childabuse #CPTSD #ComplexPTSD #complextrauma #PTSD #trauma #healing #growth
    #truth #reality

  •  635  20  3 December, 2019
  • For many years after experiencing adverse religious experiences, spiritual abuse, domestic and sexual violence, I lived in a space of shame—constant, daily, overwhelming shame. The shame did not stem as much from the things I had experienced, rather it stemmed from my inability to function according to my level of normal. Things that had come easy to me in years and decades past no longer did. My body seemed to be at war against me, I couldn’t handle relationships, I was forgetful, lethargic, exhausted, unable to get out of bed…everything felt overwhelming and scary. •

I constantly berated myself for what I thought were character flaws. If I couldn’t do the things that I used to, that must mean there is something wrong with me, right? •

I’ve noticed this with my clients as well—attitudes of hatred, impatience and complete lack of compassion towards themselves.  Constant self-berating as their world gets smaller despite all they are fighting and attempting to do to make it go ‘back to normal’. •

When I think back to those years that feel really foggy, where I wasn’t myself, I realize now that I was coming out of multiple decades of various forms of abuse. My body and nervous system had been in a traumatized state for almost the entirety of my life. Leaving those relationships and systems did not heal me (even though it was a necessary first step); in fact it seemed to get worse way before it started to get better. I had symptoms congruent with adrenal exhaustion, hyperthyroid, GI issues, sexual dysfunction, social phobias, attachment disorders, borderline personality, mood disorders, and extreme weight gain. I remember many instances of walking into a room to get something and by the time I got to the room having no idea why I was there; I remember how angry I would get at myself and how verbally unkind I was—embodying shame for not being able to do minor tasks. •
CONTINUED BELOW IN COMMENTS 👇🏽
  • For many years after experiencing adverse religious experiences, spiritual abuse, domestic and sexual violence, I lived in a space of shame—constant, daily, overwhelming shame. The shame did not stem as much from the things I had experienced, rather it stemmed from my inability to function according to my level of normal. Things that had come easy to me in years and decades past no longer did. My body seemed to be at war against me, I couldn’t handle relationships, I was forgetful, lethargic, exhausted, unable to get out of bed…everything felt overwhelming and scary. •

    I constantly berated myself for what I thought were character flaws. If I couldn’t do the things that I used to, that must mean there is something wrong with me, right? •

    I’ve noticed this with my clients as well—attitudes of hatred, impatience and complete lack of compassion towards themselves. Constant self-berating as their world gets smaller despite all they are fighting and attempting to do to make it go ‘back to normal’. •

    When I think back to those years that feel really foggy, where I wasn’t myself, I realize now that I was coming out of multiple decades of various forms of abuse. My body and nervous system had been in a traumatized state for almost the entirety of my life. Leaving those relationships and systems did not heal me (even though it was a necessary first step); in fact it seemed to get worse way before it started to get better. I had symptoms congruent with adrenal exhaustion, hyperthyroid, GI issues, sexual dysfunction, social phobias, attachment disorders, borderline personality, mood disorders, and extreme weight gain. I remember many instances of walking into a room to get something and by the time I got to the room having no idea why I was there; I remember how angry I would get at myself and how verbally unkind I was—embodying shame for not being able to do minor tasks. •
    CONTINUED BELOW IN COMMENTS 👇🏽

  •  408  25  10 hours ago
  • 4 years of sobriety today
💪🏻💃🙌🏻🤞🏻
Today I am proud of myself for not only NOT drinking, but for having the discernment 4 years ago to see how drinking was negatively impacting my whole world. 
Back then, I was still in a severe state of shock after learning the truth about my new husband. 
Finding out about numerous other women & discovering years of betrayals & deceptions left me shackled with complex PTSD. 
Trauma is brutal and in many cases can be catastrophic.

For me, I felt fractured mentally in a way I was  never prepared for.
Add then to alcohol to that?!?! It was a perfect storm and one that almost took me out.

I am so thankful God spoke to me 4 years ago and said one word to me- "STOP"

It sounded so simple!!!
I believed that I could maybe do just that! -STOP-
If I did, maybe the storm would clear & I would be able to see the sun and begin to heal!!! And, I did!! Drinking doesn't bring out anyone's best qualities right?? For me, while reeling from betrayal trauma.. drinking only made my less than best qualities... worse :(
It kept me shackled and I knew that I was called to be someone so different than the hot mess I was presenting as.
I knew that I had to take a scary step and I had to STOP.

I am humbly sharing this today with the full knowledge that my kids might read this so I want to say-
Don't hide behind substances.
Don't be afraid to feel.
Don't be afraid to be in pain. Don't be ashamed of feeling less than or different. Embrace what you feel- don't numb it!!It's the only way to grow!!! Drugs and alcohol can mask our pain, insecurities, fear and more.
Life is too precious to hide behind a mask. 
Being sober is a scary choice that forces someone to step out from behind their mask and stand in the light.. fully exposed. ✨🌟✨ For my kids.. and anyone else who needs to hear this today.
Don't be afraid to be the real you. 
Stand in the light☀️✝️💖 #sober #soberlife #soberaf  #truth #sobermovement #sobermomtribe #soberlife #authentic #bethelight #truth #satya #healthyliving #ptsdawareness #ptsd #betrayaltrauma #wholeheartedliving #yogini #instasober  #soberissexy #bornagain #parenting #motherhoodunplugged 
#momlife #praisegod
  • 4 years of sobriety today
    💪🏻💃🙌🏻🤞🏻
    Today I am proud of myself for not only NOT drinking, but for having the discernment 4 years ago to see how drinking was negatively impacting my whole world.
    Back then, I was still in a severe state of shock after learning the truth about my new husband.
    Finding out about numerous other women & discovering years of betrayals & deceptions left me shackled with complex PTSD.
    Trauma is brutal and in many cases can be catastrophic.

    For me, I felt fractured mentally in a way I was never prepared for.
    Add then to alcohol to that?!?! It was a perfect storm and one that almost took me out.

    I am so thankful God spoke to me 4 years ago and said one word to me- "STOP"

    It sounded so simple!!!
    I believed that I could maybe do just that! -STOP-
    If I did, maybe the storm would clear & I would be able to see the sun and begin to heal!!! And, I did!! Drinking doesn't bring out anyone's best qualities right?? For me, while reeling from betrayal trauma.. drinking only made my less than best qualities... worse :(
    It kept me shackled and I knew that I was called to be someone so different than the hot mess I was presenting as.
    I knew that I had to take a scary step and I had to STOP.

    I am humbly sharing this today with the full knowledge that my kids might read this so I want to say-
    Don't hide behind substances.
    Don't be afraid to feel.
    Don't be afraid to be in pain. Don't be ashamed of feeling less than or different. Embrace what you feel- don't numb it!!It's the only way to grow!!! Drugs and alcohol can mask our pain, insecurities, fear and more.
    Life is too precious to hide behind a mask.
    Being sober is a scary choice that forces someone to step out from behind their mask and stand in the light.. fully exposed. ✨🌟✨ For my kids.. and anyone else who needs to hear this today.
    Don't be afraid to be the real you.
    Stand in the light☀️✝️💖 #sober #soberlife #soberaf #truth #sobermovement #sobermomtribe #soberlife #authentic #bethelight #truth #satya #healthyliving #ptsdawareness #ptsd #betrayaltrauma #wholeheartedliving #yogini #instasober #soberissexy #bornagain #parenting #motherhoodunplugged
    #momlife #praisegod

  •  1,487  147  4 December, 2019
  • ‘I am fine’ when you are not ‘Everything’s okay’When it’s not 
It’s black when it’s white -

It is lying 
It is confusing 
It is unfair 
It causes dissonance 
It causes rupture in the psyche -
acknowledging and validating children’s experience was and is necessary 
it may be uncomfortable
it may be confronting
-
-
If our experiences were denied. Then we can often start to distrust ourselves. Children trust adults and are dependent on them for survival. A child will automatically say it must be me-I don’t see the world right. -
It is my fault. -
When in fact they were right. Their senses were spot on. -
So we have to start the process of learning to reconnect with our own sense, our own knowing and start to trust our innate wisdom .. -
-

#incongruous #childhoodtrauma #dissonance #wisdom #traumahealing #inheritedtrauma #authentic #transparency
  • ‘I am fine’ when you are not ‘Everything’s okay’When it’s not
    It’s black when it’s white -

    It is lying
    It is confusing
    It is unfair
    It causes dissonance
    It causes rupture in the psyche -
    acknowledging and validating children’s experience was and is necessary
    it may be uncomfortable
    it may be confronting
    -
    -
    If our experiences were denied. Then we can often start to distrust ourselves. Children trust adults and are dependent on them for survival. A child will automatically say it must be me-I don’t see the world right. -
    It is my fault. -
    When in fact they were right. Their senses were spot on. -
    So we have to start the process of learning to reconnect with our own sense, our own knowing and start to trust our innate wisdom .. -
    -

    #incongruous #childhoodtrauma #dissonance #wisdom #traumahealing #inheritedtrauma #authentic #transparency

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